Time For A Change

I like him so much…and I want to tell him so I can’t stop going insane thinking about it all the time…but I just can’t do it.

My friends CONSTANTLY leave us alone because they want me to tell him. And every time I’m like….I can do this. I can totally tell him.

But I can’t.

My mouth will not speak the words.

I’m scared out of my mind.

I know it is very unlikely that anything terrible will happen. Really I think the absolute worst case scenerio would be him saying “Oh…I’m sorry, I don’t like you like that.” and maybe it would be a little awkward for a while. But that’s like. The worst I think could happening knowing him.

Even so, I can’t do it.

Why?

I don’t really think anyone could help me magically be able to speak words to a boy. But….does anyone have any advice? Words of wisdom? Something?

My friends have all been insisting that I tell my best guy friend that I like him, and tried to force me into it today. But it didn’t happen. Cause I chickened out. I’ve never told a guy in person that I like him, but I want to for this guy. I just don’t know how to bring it up. And I don’t really want to hear that he doesn’t like me that way, and I just have a feeling that will happen. And I’m just like AHH!!

Any thoughts?

If you have time to read this and message me about it, that’d be cool….

Also, I’m sorry that I come to my weightloss blog to talk about a guy I like, but I can’t post it on my main blog without certain people that I don’t want to see it seeing it.

This guy, I don’t even know how to begin explaining how much I like him. And how extremely terrified I am to tell him. He’s like my best friend, and if I tell him I like him and he freaks out and everything changes between us, I don’t know what I’ll do. But I don’t know how he would react. I just don’t know.

He’s so sweet.
His smile is adorable.
His laugh is contagious.
He’s just adorable.
He smells amazing.
He cares about people so much.
He cares about me so much.
~~My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. It was a long process in which I first found out that he might have cancer. Then I found out he has breast cancer. Then I found out that it’s spread. And this guy, the first time called me in .2 seconds because we weren’t at school to make sure I was okay. The second time he was with friends getting dinner, and immediately was like I have to go and was in my room within 5 minutes, and the third time it was 1AM that I texted him about it and he was like “I’m coming over. If you’re not going to be asleep in the next 15 seconds, I’m coming over and I’m hugging you and I’m never letting go.” when I tried to protest him coming all the way across campus so late at night.
He loves like all of the things that I love..
Examples~ Harry Potter, Glee, Hunger Games, Starkid, Coloring, Disney
He’s just silly.
He loves kids.
His family is supernice.
He hugs me a lot.
And I love his hugs…a lot.
He cuddles with me.
He plays with my hands/holds my hands.
He calls me cute.
He’s always there when I need him, even when I’m like no don’t.
He tells me that he could never be mad at me, and could never be upset with me ever.
He sings all the time, he thinks he’s bad but it’s really cute.

I could go on and on, he’s just wonderful.

All of my friends want us to be together more than anything, and think we’d be perfect together, including one of my friends who has known him since they were little.

I’m pretty sure everyone in the world except him knows that I like him.

He does things that make me think that he could like me. But then I’m like, what if he just thinks of me as a best friend? Does he act like this around people? I mean, he doesn’t to anyone we hang out with together, but I don’t know what he’s like around people I don’t spend time with.

And pretty much I’m just like ahhhhhh! And I don’t want to ruin things.

Part of me really wants to tell him, just at the thought of him liking me back and us being happy together.

Most of me is really terrified about it because I don’t know if I’m ready to hear that he doesn’t like me, and I don’t want things to change.

Also….I’ve never had a boyfriend before. And don’t really have much experience in telling a guy that I like him, so another ahhhhh!! moment for me.

Any thoughts or advice or anything at all about this I would appreciate, haha. So send me a message if you want to. (:

So much.

That not working out in forever followed by doing 30 Day Shred = ow.

I woke up like “wow I must have slept really wrong last night!!” and then was like ohwaitno, this is the muscley pain of exercising. Riigghhtt.

Oh well, it’ll stop eventually. xP

Me. I have been lame.

But it’s okay, it happens. My winter break has pretty much been a month of me being a lazy bum and not eating well. There were times when I was active, but not enough for it to really count.

But luckily, something in me was somehow reinspired again the other day.

So starting this week, and continuing into next week (when school begins again,) and then into the future, I’m back on track!

I started 30 Day Shred again. I didn’t finish by like a week last time I did it, this time I will do it all. I’ve taken new before pictures for it and everything. And though it was hard, it felt good to know that I’m being active and working harder on my health again.

I still hope to be an inspiration to myself and to others, just like everyone I follow inspires me all the time.

I should be back with more frequent updates now!

I hope that everyone has been doing wonderfully. (:

I’m sorry that the rare times I ever come on here lately tends to be me complaining about a boy. x.x

My favorite conversations with said boy….and when I say favorite, I’m being quite sarcastic….are the ones where he tells me that he always, always, always gets stuck in the friend zone with every girl he likes.

And I sit there thinking to myself, lol, that happens to me too. Except not only with every guy I like, but with you. You, who is stuck in the friend zone of some other girl while I am stuck in your friend zone. And I don’t think you realize it.

And it’s lame. But I can’t bring myself to tell him that I like him, besides the fact that doing such a thing in general scares me to death lol, I know he likes other girl. And I’m afraid to make things weird by telling him. And. Blah.

Just wanted to say that.

But I hope that everyone is having a happy holiday! I know I am. (:

And that I should try and knock it off. Cause it sucks.

My night = I get home from school for thanksgiving break and get a text from my friend who has been friends with my crush forever. And she’s like “Can I ask you a weird question?”

And I’m kinda like ohgod. But was like sure? And she asked me if I liked him.

So I was like. Ohdamnwhatwhy. I didn’t say that, but was thinking it. And pretty much then spent forever freaking out and was not happy about being asked that because I don’t really like telling people when I have a crush on someone until I’m ready to do it myself….which I’m not lol.

So I spent forever freaking out to one of my best friends (who also didn’t know, but now does cause I needed her lol…)

And after freaking out forever. I get a text from my crush about how he wishes he could tell his crush that he likes her, but he can’t.

And I’m like. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS. BUT I HAVE TO BECAUSE I’M A GOOD FRIEND.

And had to listen all about his crush and his night with her and how she’s awesome but he doesn’t want to mess things up.

And I’m like …………this is how I secretly feel about you, except can’t, cause you like othergirl.

And. Yes. My night. After a reallyreally crappy, long day, might I add.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooodtimes. x.x

You know, this has been a really rough semester for me. And it hasn’t gone the way I had imagined it at all, and that includes in the region of weightloss. I haven’t been eating or exercise the way I should be, and that was bad.

But I’ve still come so far in my weightloss, I’m still losing weight, and there’s no time like the present to start doing an even better job.

I’m going to start eating more of my fruits and veggies again. I’m going to choose healthier snacks. I’m going to exercise AT LEAST 3 times a week. And little by little I will start doing more things that will make me even healthier than I’ve been again.

It’s a life choice and a change that I told myself I’d make, and stress won me over to ignoring it. That’s going to stop, because I know that healthy choices and exercising won’t only help my weightloss, but will also help dispose of some stress!

Have a wonderful week and a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

<3

This is a post I need to write just to get my thoughts out of my mind, however if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this, I would LOVE a message. Really, really love it lol.

I apologize in advance for this being LOOONG…..but again, I’d love for you to read and comment lol.  

So, I became friends with this guy this semester that my friend introduced me to. It started off as us just being like “Hey….person I just met…..” and moved to us occasionally talking on facebook because we played the same game. Then we started talking a lot on facebook. Then we started meeting with some other friends to get food later at night. Then he started coming to an occasional meal. Then he came to hang out once. Then he started coming to lots of meals. Then we started hanging out more………and now we’re like best friends. It literally is the weirdest thing to me if I don’t see him or, at the very least, talk to him every day.

I don’t tend to have many guy friends…unless they’re gay…and when I do we don’t tend to hang out often, and if we do it would like NEVER be alone, ever.

I think I like this guy……….but there are so many issues that come along with this.

1. ………..pretty much everyone I know thinks he’s probably gay.

Honestly, when I first met him I kind of thought he was too. Now I can’t decide. I don’t know if it’s because I have feelings for him that I’m pretending it’s not true, but it really is confusing as to whether or not he’s straight. If you ask him he will tell you he’s straight. He’s had many a person question him about being gay and he swears he’s not. He had some sterotypically gay tendencies….but he also has some stereotypically straight ones. And there are so many things I could go into with this, but the main point is that ……..no one is really sure. And everyone I know is like “He’s gay.” but I’m like “….but is he?”

2. He likes another girl.

Lol, right? Everyone thinks he’s gay. But he talks about this girl he likes. She’s from his hometown and they used to like each other but then ended up dating other people and now he still likes her but doesn’t know if she likes him. And he wants her to come her and for us to all be best friends. And mentally I’m kind of like …………yaayy…………. with an extreme lack of enthusiasm lol.

3. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

He’s seriously one of the most amazing friends I’ve ever had. Even after such a short amount of time I am sure of this. And I’ve never had a boyfriend before. And I’m 19 and know nothing about dealing with guys because I’ve never been in a relationship ever. And I’d be afraid to tell him because in my head he’s either gay or likes another girl …………yet I still like him. Because I can’t help it.

And I’m just confused. Whenever he mentions this other girl I’m kind of like “Waitwhat?” (not out loud lol) because I’m just like……..I don’t know. I suppose having so few guy friends in my life, I don’t know if this is an average relationship for a straight guy and a straight girl who haven’t known each other for an extremely long amount of time lol. So now I’m going to ramble about it.

-We are together every day.
-We eat meals together.
-He sleeps on my floor because he’s too lazy to go back to his dorm.
-He teases me like crazy, he tries to make me laugh at like all times.
-If I’m sad he does everything he can think of to put a smile on my face.
-On my first day of nazi kindergarten (see other post of mine lol) the second he heard I was upset he was like “I’m coming over” and hugged me as I cried and didn’t study for his tests so that he could make me happy instead and now pretty much wants her killed for making me unhappy.
-He calls me to tell me he’s on his way over or on his way back to his dorm or something stupid and then just stays on the phone talking about random things or nothing.
-When we first started hanging out we never hugged but we’d linger like maybe we should and then wouldn’t. So the first time we hugged was one day when he stomped away mad from me and my friend for some reason or another, I yelled after him that I wanted a hug before he left and he immediately stopped, came back, and hugged me twice before going on his way.
-Now we hug alllllllllllll the time.
-Whenever any of my friends invite him somewhere, he asks if I’m going before confirming. If I don’t want to go he insists that I should attend.
-He tickles me to death all the time. All the time.
-We’ve kind of cuddled. Many times.
-He lays on me all the time.
-Sometimes our hands or legs touch and seem to linger longer than necessary.
-I tend to grab his hands to make him stop tickling me or stop putting his arm in my face or whatever, and sometimes I feel like he keeps doing it just so I’ll do that.
-Or he holds onto my hands.
-He tries to stop me from doing things that he thinks will lead to my unhappiness.
-My roommate/best friend went to get drunk for the first time and I didn’t like it, so he stayed with me all night and helped me take care of her so I didn’t have to deal with it alone.
-Pretty much everyone I know now expects us to be together at like all times and if we aren’t then they’re like “Wait……………………where is he?”
-There are occasional days where he stops to tell me he likes my shirt or that I look cute that day.
-He constantly speaks of the future in a way that’s either teasing “How are you going to survive break without me?” or serious “I don’t know what I’m going to do when you graduate.” (he’s a freshman, I’m a sophomore)

I don’t know, I could keep rambling but this post is really long lol.

I started writing this post like a week ago and never posted it. Now I’m finishing it and probably posting it.

But last night he was talking about girl he likes again and how he’s so excited to see her over thanksgiving break and how he misses her so much and how he still likes her and wonders if she still likes him.

And pretty much I’m just confused.

But I guess we’re just like best friends and I read into things too much and if you’re reading this you might just think I’m crazy.

But as I said, I needed to get this out. And I’d currently rather do it to a bunch of people I don’t really know than to a close friend who has the ability to tease me to death in front of him. xD

I appreciate if you stuck through this whole thing! (that looks shorter here than in microsoft word…) xD

<3

NAZIKINDERGARTEN IS OVER! YAAYY!!

Unfortunately I now have piles and piles of homework to do and I might be sick and I didnt get into enough classes for next semester and I’m drastically running out of time to get things accomplished……

But I’m trying to focus on the positive things. Trying my absolute hardest.

I have amazing friends that are always, always there when I need them. This semester is almost over, I will get to go take a break from stress and love my family for a while. Really, these two things keep me going more than anything. Especially my friends. :3